Trying to Get the Man to Change

renegades4christ
1 day ago
4 min read

When Love Is Real, It Doesn’t Have to Be Forced

You Can’t Control Someone Else’s Free Will

Trying to get a man to change is one of the quickest ways to wear yourself out in a relationship. Free will is a gift from God, and we have to become very real about how it shows up when we’re dealing with people we care about. A lot of women are praying that God will step in and override a man’s thinking, his behavior, and his choices—without his consent. That’s not how God works. He doesn’t force transformation on any of us. So we have to stay grounded in a few truths: God will only send you a man who acknowledges His sovereignty and righteousness, even if he’s still growing; a man has to desire change for himself; and if he truly loves you, he won’t ignore the things that are grieving you—he’ll be willing to address them.

Transformation Requires Permission

Romans 12:2 (NLT) makes it plain: “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.” God tells us exactly what not to do and exactly what to do. We’re not called to follow the patterns we see around us, because most of them run completely contrary to His Will. He calls us to be transformed—but that doesn’t happen while we keep thinking the same way we’ve always thought. Romans 12:2 tells us that transformation comes through the renewing of the mind. That means we have a part to play. We have to be willing to let go of old ways of thinking and come into agreement with God’s truth. We don’t control the transformation. God does. Our responsibility is to yield. We line ourselves up with what He said. And in that place, the Holy Spirit begins to shift us from the inside out.

What Love Will—and Won’t—Do

God lays the instruction out clearly, but He still leaves the choice in our hands. That’s the weight and beauty of free will. We decide whether we will renew our minds and walk in what He says, or keep repeating cycles that drain us. And when it comes to relationships, the same truths apply across the board: God is not sending someone who rejects Him, change must be chosen, and love that is real will respond, not resist. As women, we have to keep these truths in front of us, because when we don’t, we end up punishing ourselves—making decisions rooted in a kind of hope that isn’t anchored in truth.

A lot of frustration in relationships comes from expecting something that was never there to begin with. We can be drawn to certain qualities in a man, and for a while, those things feel like enough. But over time, it becomes clear that there’s a gap—spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. We may not say it out loud, but we feel it. And even if he has good qualities, those inconsistent behaviors, those moments where his character slips, they matter. They’re not small, and they don’t just go away on their own. If we’re not walking in truth, we’ll minimize what we shouldn’t, and over time, it will cost us more than we expected.

Agreement Is More Than Words

Amos 3:3 asks, “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” That agreement goes deeper than words. It’s spiritual. It’s lived out in choices, responses, and direction. Many women are exhausted because they’ve been trying to pull agreement out of someone who isn’t meeting them there. After the conversations, the disagreements, and the repeated issues, nothing really shifts. And that leaves you feeling unheard, undervalued, and unsettled, because the connection isn’t flowing both ways. Deep down, every woman has a place within her that recognizes what’s real and what’s forced. And when the right man comes, there will be a natural agreement with that place—something steady, not something you have to keep trying to convince into existence.

You Cannot Force What God Hasn’t Formed

At the end of the day, we cannot make a man change. Only God can transform a person, and even then, that person has to yield. That’s why we have to be led by Him in our relationships. We can’t afford to move ahead of His direction or build on something He didn’t establish. The right man won’t see growth as a burden, and he won’t resist the things that protect what the two of you are building. There will be a humility there, a responsiveness, and the Holy Spirit will bear witness within you that this is aligned. And when that alignment is real, you won’t have to force agreement—it will already be present, and the relationship will reflect it. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.